I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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