I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
