I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
