Banned from zoo.
Again?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
