I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I got her a Nickelback box set.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
