Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
