Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
