She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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