how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Help. Why am I so naked?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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