69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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