Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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