what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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