I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
