Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
