Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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