I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
