So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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