The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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