I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
