At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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