Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
