This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
