Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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