you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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