Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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