Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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