His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
