Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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