College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
