brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
