Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
