I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have fence marks all over my body
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