ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
