i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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