I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
