omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
