I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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