I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
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