btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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