I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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