so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
