I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
