I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
