is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
