so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
