Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
