So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
