i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
