You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
