i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She bit a glass in half.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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