allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
