Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i dont even know how to be here
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
